we'll sail to the moon, and the sun
by blairswaldorfs
Summary: four stages of blair and serena, serena and blair and the happy ever after they've always dreamed for. au. blair\serena.


an: it's femslash feb. duh. and what's better than serena\blair? (well there's blair\lydia). warning: this sucks and is out of character in some parts.

::

i. _the first kiss. _

They're thirteen years old. Serena's long limbs are draped over a couch, a yellow dress fitted loosely onto her body. Her head is pushed back against the head of the couch, gold tresses billowing out behind her making everything a swirl of glittering gold, entrancing her best friend. Blair's sitting on the floor, homework consuming all of her thoughts. Until Serena laughs, and all Blair can think about is what it would be like to kiss her.

Blair climbs up onto the couch with Serena, curling her tiny body up next to Serena's. The blonde is long and languid, the brunette is stiff and curled.

"_Relax_," Serena breathes, voice giggly as she looks up at the light on the ceiling, humming in content. She traces patterns on Blair's shoulder, a circle, a heart, a sun. Her eyes keep drooping closed, and Blair keeps fidgeting, telling her to _stop _and letting out little grumbles and complaints of how she really should be doing her homework.

"So why aren't you?" Serena asks, peeling an eye open, and twisting her body to lie on her side so she can look her best friend in the eyes. She places her head on her hands, and Blair mimics her. Blair's eyes fly towards the ground briefly, looking over at the mess of glue and paper cuttings and then Serena's diving in towards her. Her lips pressing against hers. She tastes like maple syrup and wild berries.

Blair pulls back, climbs off of the couch and shuffles over towards her homework. "I have a boyfriend, _Nate_, remember? I can't _cheat _on him!" She shrieks, but Blair could care less about the white knight when Serena's lips have previously been all over hers. Scarring her with taints of friendship and perfection, the thing she craves so desperately. All she wants is to kiss Serena again, but instead she's running out of the penthouse because she's scared.

Her whole life has been _NateNateNate _and promises of an Archibald Van der Bilt future. She's never even briefly thought about other options, other people however, for as long as there's been Nate, there's been Serena. The ever beautiful gorgeous girl Blair has always been jealous of. Sending smiles and loving hugs her way whenever Blair was feeling down. Kisses and cuddles, and _Serena's special! _A mix of both.

Tucked safely away in a limo, far away from Serena with breaking big blue eyes. She touches her lips softly, Nate had never kissed her like _that_. He's never kissed her at all. She lets out a hurried sigh and leans back against the leather, curling her legs up to her chest. She'd file this afternoon into the do not return pile in her mind, store it away and never think about it again.

Serena probably doesn't even _like _her anyway. Just messing with her for a little bit of fun, even if that wasn't exactly Serena.

::

ii. _the second kiss (_and the start of the affair_). _

Chuck has just broken her heart (again) and all she wants is her best friend to fly away to Paris with her. They'll shop, they'll flirt, they'll drink and they'll fall in love with French strangers who won't remind them of two certain boys (or three) back in New York.

Instead, the two of them fall in love over macaroons and old black and white films playing on the screen as they complain about the lack of decency that Chuck, Nate (and Dan) have. Serena will imitate their faces, Blair will imitate their voices and they'll kiss over an empty bottle of champagne and Audrey not knowing how to cook a single thing.

Blair doesn't pull away this time and Serena grabs her face tighter, her lips pressing to Blair's more urgently. The bottle falls off the bed, glass shattering all over the floor. Neither notice, too absorbed in one another.

Serena's the sun and Blair's the moon. So they have to spend all day (sun) and all night (moon) together to make it fair to one another, Serena laughs. Her hair a mess of golden. Blair will roll her eyes, a broken smile cracking at the edges of her lips and slowly mending itself. Serena notices it, smiling to herself. Her own wide smile falling down a watt or two.

(She once said she had to make herself less sparkly for Blair to shine; she'd make herself less sparkly a million times over just to see Blair shine, shine just the way Serena knows she can).

They spend their summer in France ditching the cute natives and kissing each other underneath the eiffel tower, the real world a million worlds away. Hands caressing each others faces in private, and stolen kisses behind dark areas. They don't want Gossip Girl to snap a picture and know, this is _special_ and they want it to be just theirs.

There's two weeks until they go home, tangled up in white bedsheets with lilac embroidery stitched into the corners. Missed calls from lovers past (Dan, Nate - tragic). Whispered confessions of love as Blair rests her head on Serena's shoulder, tracing patterns on the blondes golden shoulder. A shy of jealousy escaping through her mouth. Serena will never really be hers, and she'll never really be Serena's.

Not when there is Dan and Nate and not when there is Chuck. Even if they don't love those three boys anymore, they'll always love them and they'll always be _there_, hovering at the back of their minds when their thoughts should only be consumed of one another. But Blair isn't going to run, she's going to stay and fight for Serena until her last dying breathe.

She's going to fight for the golden princess who held her hand when the tears were running dry on her face, hiccups escaping out of her mouth. When she was dancing with her on table tops, too drunk to give a fuck. When she was telling her to stay, to _fight _for herself. She's going to fight for Serena, now and she only hopes that Serena will fight for her.

"I love you, B." Serena breaks the silence (and Blair's inner thoughts), kissing the top of Blair's nest of messy curls. A hand trailing down her arm to clasp her hand, the forever is silent but it's there.

::

iii. _the truth is out. _

It's pissing down with rain when everyone finds out. After Gossip Girl has been revealed, after Blair is married (second time lucky), after Serena is engaged, after everything was supposed to be happily ever after but never was.

Blair's pregnant. Everyone is sitting on the floor clad in pajamas. Serena's laughing, France is brought up and the words are rushing out of Serena's mouth before she can stop them, reminiscing on times past when Blair and Serena were content and happy, before Serena ran and before Blair ran.

"We had sex in the back of a restaurant once, remember B? What was called aga- _oh_." Serena's face drops. Blair stands up suddenly, rushing to the bathroom as an on wave on nausea attacks her. Serena chases her, Chuck chases her, Nate chases her and Dan follows idly behind like the lost puppy he's always really been.

Blair's throwing up. Serena is crying. Blair is crying. Chuck, Nate and Dan are all confused. Serena is pacing around the bathroom, sprouting words of mistakes and how she should of stayed because she _loves_ Blair. Blair is yelling at her, screaming why didn't she? They could of avoided a lifetime of pain. It's dramatic, it's not Blair (but it is), it's not Serena (but it is).

And all everybody in that room wants is for Serena and Blair to make up, to get their fairytale, their happy ever after.

"I hate you!" Blair screams. (What she really means is: I love you. I've always loved you. I want you. I need you. What is life without you? But you ruined it, and i'm mad because we promised not to speak of it again. All I want to do is kiss you. Do you still taste like maple syrup and wild berries?).

"God, I _love _you!" Serena screams back, full of love and admiration and finally she's _brave_. She says it again, a whisper this time, quiet, sincere. Blair listens this time. Blair lets it wash through her, Serena loves her. Serena has always loved her. Serena will always love her.

So Blair takes a careful step forward, it's time she's brave, a careful step forward and she leans it slowly. She kisses Serena, even if she has vomit all in her mouth (and hair, Serena notes, scrunching up her nose in that adorable way of hers) and even though her husband and Serena's fiancee is in the room. She doesn't care, because Blair wants to be happy. She wants to be happy with _Serena. _

Serena kisses Blair back, all sloppy kisses and grins, her hands tangled in her hair. Brunette curls mixing into blonde beach waves. A laugh escaping from Serena's mouth as she wipes away vomit from her chin, and cheek.

"I want to be with you, Blair. Always." Serena says earnestly, holding Blair's face, caressing her cheeks. Both of their rings disappear, falling to the ground in a hurried motion as they smile at each other. _Forever_.

::

iv. _henry and serena and blair and mia._

Henry is eight and is the spitting image of Blair. Mia is four and is the spitting image of her biological mother, who she knows nothing about. But that's okay, because she has Serena and Blair and they're her mothers and they love her to the moon and to the sun and back again.

Henry is like Blair, Mia is like Serena and they shout and they fight and they scream and they cry and they laugh. All four of them. It's chaos upon entering the van der Woodsen Waldorf establishment, their house a mess of toys and scattered lipstick and clothes. Serena laughs, _hey! we're _hot, _what are we meant to leave lying around? _And Blair shakes her head, kisses her as she agrees before running off to her law class.

(Waldorf Designs wasn't really for her).

Serena will sing, will attempt to make pancakes and burn them. Will feed Henry and Mia chocolate instead, then walk Henry to school, Mia with them. They'll play I spy, Henry will roll his eyes. _I'm too old for that_, but will join in. Mia will get fed up, stomp her feet and wail in the middle of the sidewalk. Just like Serena used to do when she was four, then grin and twirl around claiming to be a princess. Just like Blair used to do when she was four.

Chuck will pick Henry up after school, and sometimes he'll stay the night at Chuck's and Nate's but he prefers home. Home is Serena and Blair's. Home is his little sister with bouncy red curls tied up in black lace. Home is where he'll snuggle in with his mums after a bad dream, crying his eyes out because the monsters came and ate him and took everything good.

Serena and Blair will cry because they never imagined life could be this good. They were prepared for Nate, and some billionaire. Then they were prepared for Chuck, and Dan.

(But they've always wanted each other and now they have what they've always wanted: happiness and each other, which is basically the same thing).


End file.
